Love me when I least deserve it,  because thats when I need it most. 

So I started my new job yesterday at the rocky mountain chocolate factory store in the mall. AMAZING. I get to dip chocolate stuff and decorate caramel apples which have so many toppings its insane. and the people who work there are really nice and laid back, and you get a 30% discount which is amazing because I love chocolate. Its a crapload of work but it'll be fun. 

I am mad at my computer right now because the shift button is being annoying and works, and then randomly doesn't work.

I dunno i'm in a pretty average mood, and don't really have much to say right now.  my kitty is sick which is sad but we won't know whats wrong with her until tommorow. I'm also taking a RAD class (rape/agression/defense) which just started today, and it seems like its going to be pretty awesome. my step sister and rory are taking it as well, so we'll all kick some butt together.

other than that, i dont really know. life's pretty chill at the moment. and im too tired to divulge into anything, so we'll leave it at that.

Title:	Home
Date:	2008-05-15 @ 02:46
Security:	public
Mood:	mellow

The wife called today to tell me her 9 year old sister came downstairs tonight crying. She yelled "its eating me alive I cant lie anymore, I am bisexual!" hilarious!!! Then she went on to explain that she liked boys because they were strong and could lift heavy things for her, but she liked girls because they were pretty and she liked to cuddle with them and tell them everything. I love kids. I dont even know how she found out what bisexual is, but wifey is too! maybe it runs in the family <3

I started realizing recently that I pretty much meet someone, and then create their entire personality in my head, which isnt very normal hahaha. I make up stories about people I don't really know that well, about what they do with their life, and how they act, and then I start to really like them. Like I do know them somewhat, and build off their character, but I tend to embelish and assume things about them that I have no idea about. Then I realize half this shit is just stuff I wish they were, and I have no idea if it's even true. My imagination is very problematic (how the f do you spell that) sometimes.  And then i'll probably really get to know them and be dissapointed, because it'll be like watching the movie to a book you already have read, and being pissed that the character in the movie isn't exactly like the one you imagined while reading the book. That happens a lot.

If you want me to know something, or if you want anyone to know something, just tell them. Because it's sad when months down the road you regret never saying anything. Not getting the response you were looking for can severely suck, but how will you ever know until you try? And at least you can say you had the courage to speak up.

I am tired. HOORAY! thats a first.

Glad to be home. Going to some gay club in manchester tommorow with sara kerry lynne and some random ass people. hopefully will be fun. I get to see the wife so it'll be a good time regardless. <3 her.

Title:	Things I've been thinking about:
Date:	2008-05-14 @ 01:56
Security:	public
Music:	Guster: getting even
Mood:	thoughtful

Things I've Been Thinking About Recently:

- I love so many people soooo freaking much
- I really don't hate anyone, and I don't feel like I ever really will, which is so nice to say, and surprisingly truthful
- I really enjoy oranges
- How much I love writing everything in my head down, and how it helps me sleep better. and how I tend to forget
  people can actual read this, because I just write to get this out of my overactive head, not to share with anyone?
- There are always people on campus that I want to get to know better,
or think would be a great friend, so why don't I freakin make it happen?!
- How cool it is that I can read intimate things about peoples lives that I would never have known had it not been for livejournal, and how a livejournal entry could give me a completely different outlook on someone 
 -I haven't watched tv in 4 days, and it's been exceptionally refreshing
- I am becoming a huge fan of gatorade
- People have so much going on-- the world is such a complicated place
- There could be someone across the other side of the world who is 
   just like me, will I ever meet them?
- Will fate bring us together in the end, or will me believing fate (instead of action) 
    will bring us together really just end up keeping us apart?
- There are so many people who I want to be close to, but for some reason I don't
  think its the right time in my life to mold that relationship. Why is that? and when is it time?
- I love popsicles. At any time
- How I need to find a tattoo design for my sisters so we can get matching tattoos that have meaning to them.
- That I will be a teacher in a few years. Holy shit
- I wonder if i'll end up being a teacher? or going in a completely different direction with my life
- That I cannot wait to fall hopelessly in love, and be comfortable with it, and not absolutely petrified, or skeptical, as usual
- Adopting children, and raising them with someone wonderful
- What my father is doing right now, and if i'll ever see him again
- If I really will end up writing a book like I dream
- Why I buy all the dumb things I do, when I really don't need them.
- What Africa looks like in person
- That I want to get a pet pig when I move into my own place. And put a pink bow in his/her hair.
- That RENT has amazing music. 
- Chronicles of Narnia 2 is coming out soooo soon. =)
- I need a new book soon. What will I read next?
- Homeless people in Harvard Square, and how I hope to actually follow through and bring them food
and clothes and just hang out and hear their stories, like I always think about
- That I really need to volunteer this summer, because it makes me so much happier 
- Why I don't spend more time outside, or around more people?
- Why I become creeped out by nice people who care about me, and attracted to those who treat me like shit?
- How much I can still do with my life
- How thankful I am for having my mother, and having such strong morals, and emotional attachments and compassion
  with people because of her. I find it scary sometimes how many people I truly love. And how I don't even know a good handful of    them. How cool is that, to be able to feel love for someone you really don't even know. Humans rock!
- That there may be aliens, and I hope they're cool, because I'd like to meet some. And I kind of hope they're polka-dotted so that way people were completely wrong about them being green, and it'll be like an alien inside joke about humans and their crazy ideas about aliens.
- If I really get extremely sad because of what i've been told by the doctors really is true, or if i'm just being dramatic, and need to snap out of it
- Who I am close with now, that will still be a part of my life 20 years from now
- That Guster makes my life so much more fulfilling. Honestly haha. And Ani difranco. I probably listen to them both every day
- That I look like a bug in my sunglasses, but thats pretty much why I bought them,
- That I think I'm nicer than I am, which would seriously suck, because I'd like to have a realistic picture of myself
- If i'll ever be happy with how I look
- If i'll ever learn to not give a shit about how I look, because It really doesnt matter 
- What it would be like to meet god, and find out hes actually like 4 feet tall and chubby with pink cheeks and dredlocks or something completely different from what we've assumed.
- That I think way too much. =)

Title:	someone who:
Date:	2008-05-13 @ 12:04
Security:	public
Music:	Jill Sobule: Lucy at the Gym
Mood:	hopeful

I'd like to find someone who:

- Has compassion for something, and isn't scared to show it
- Loves deeply, and sometimes without question
- Has some sense of who they are, and is still living in order to figure the rest out
- Will not put their morals and values aside for someone's attention
- Doesn't need the approval of people who don't even deserve it
- Finds drugs unnecessary, and alcohol a rare interruption in their life
- Isn't afraid of making a complete fool of themselves to make someone smile
- Has some sort of faith.  And who doesn't use religion as an excuse to do horrible things and get away with it.
- Is against violence.
- Wants to know the world, and would rather visit a country and live amongst the natives, than seeing it through the window of a cruise ship
- Doesn't use alcohol as an excuse for poor behavior/decisions
- Isn't afraid to voice their opinion, and fight for what they truly believe in, but is also willing to see the other side of an arguement
- Cares about others, and tries to see all sides of a situation
- Will push me, and teach me new things about life
- Will be pushed, and is willing to learn new things about life
- Digs deep to really get to know someone, and doesn't just base their opinion on what everyone else sees of someone
- Can see the good in everyone- even in the people who have done horrible things to others
- Is willing to forgive, and wants to make right, and is willing to feel uncomfortable in order to do so
- Has some baggage, and is willing to gain some
- Isn't perfect, and isn't looking for perfection
- Is easygoing
- Has a great sense of humor, but knows when to be serious and when to be funny
- Gets along with my friends and family, and wants to get to know them
- Can deal with my crazy flaws
- Tries not to be judgemental
- Understands my need for a lot of alone time
- Is comfortable with homosexuality, all races, the homeless, people with special needs
- Wants someone to compliment them, not to complete them
- Will pull me out of my shell
- Is more comfortable with affection than I am
- Doesn't just make out with someone or randomly hook up with people for attention, or due to insecurity
- Will stand up to me if I am being mean, or if they think i'm doing something they know is wrong
- Is willing to fight and make up 
- Is aggressive, and will see me pushing them away, and just push right back in the other direction
- I have a sexual, emotional, and intellectual connection with
- Worries about the well-being of others, and cares about the lives of others, even though they might not know them
- Isn't sexist, racist, homophobic, shallow, or is, but is willing to work on changing it, because they know its wrong
- Loves to smile and laugh, and is very easygoing
- Wants to go out to the movies, and out to eat, and out on crazy adventures
- Is extremely spontaneous
- Can have long deep conversations about all the mysteries of life
- Has some interest in music, and is willing to go to concerts
- Is not typical
- Understands my deep connections with my family, and the not-so-deep connections I have with other family members
- Is comfortable with my being bisexual, and doesn't think "its just a phase"
- Is a night owl
- Can deal with a relationship maturely, especially when I cannot
- Makes me think and keeps me on my toes
- Loves kids, and wouldn't be against adopting
- Would stay up all night just to talk or drive to random places for absolutely no reason
- Is outgoing, and friendly
- Understands my emotional intensity, and knows what that even means
- Is respectful of everyone, and is polite 
- Is adorably awkward
- Understands my anxiety, and knows how to pull me out of it
- Gets intrigued by new things
- Who is artistic in some way


- Who may have made mistakes in any or all of these areas, but is willing to learn from them, and move on from the past towards bettering themselves in those areas. And who understands I have and will make mistakes in any/all of these areas but am willing to do the same.


Seriously, where are these people, because i've yet to run into one.